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01/09/2004 Archived Entry: "Pale Shelter"

Graaaaah. You see what school does? School cripples the powers of the blog. But alas, we shall resist. Fight back against the system... by visiting, and commenting... and reading my mindless shit...

*analogy literally crashes and burns*

Anyhow. You get the point. I've got my list of random notes here, so I'm just going to go stright down case.

Paula had her Lord of the Rings party a while back. It was a good time. The party didn't start until I got there though. ...because I brought the movies... Regradless, we all treked out to the movie theater after 9 hours of Tolkien-Brain-Frying-Goodness and then sat down for the final 3.5 in Retrun of the King. I liked how everyone left when it was over, and so it was just me and Sean standing in front of the Merriam theater. Alone. Except there was this one girl who kept edging towards us. It was weird.

So yeah... I've finally discovered my true love... I'm not even kidding. I know this time it's just got to work. We'd been appart for a little while, and I wasn't sure how hot things would be, but it turns out we still got the spark! 3-D Pong: You are my everything; I live to hear your plop-plop and to watch the white dot bounce off the green rectangular prism that you live inside of... By the way: Highscore of 474. If anyone thinks they can beat that, go for it: http://www.liquid.se/pong.html, and tell me if you get even close.

I was thinking about these kids at my old school [Andy-Neal-Type-People, if that means anything to you] the other day, and how they were all complete assholes. For instance: I remember one week it was the new cool thing to rub a pen really fast against the back of a notebook so that the cheap, made-in-china metal tip got really, really hot. Then, while the tip was still hot, you ran up behind someone and poked them in the arm. I never understood this ritual, and I didn't really give a shit until one of them stabbed me in the arm.

It wasn't a poke, it was a jab. There was a near-boiling mixture of ink and blood on my arm for a brief instant, and I was not happy. If I recall correctly, I kicked someone for it; and with good measure. I still have the scar... Its a battle wound from living around morons...

While we're on the topic of nostalgia, I was up in the attic with my dad the other day laying down the CAT-5 cable for a wired network of internet-goodness. [I'm sure by now you've all heard my cable-rantings] I point the flashlight over to this corner of our attic, where there's a giant metal-looking-spidery thing. I say to my dad "What is that?" and he turns to me and says "Well, son, back in the olden days, TVs used to have antennas, and to get better reception, they'd put giant antennas in the roof..." So on and so forth. But it got me thinkin, like say 20 years from now, some other obnoxious little prick is gonna be up there with his dad and they'll see the CAT-5 cable and the kid will say "Dad, what is that stuff there?" and his dad will say "Well, son, back in the olden days the Internet used to get to computers via physical cables, and people would wire their houses with hundreds of feet of the stuff..." And things will be all transition-y and whatnot.

Later on that night, Paula/Kate/Ethan were resolved that we should all [all being inclusive of Me] hang out before school started back up. Ethan in his infinate wisdom suggested 'Tom's House'. I am informed that we are hanging out, at my house, at approx. 4-ish. I scrambled. Notified the 'rents, and the event was underway. We first tried the 'Using Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon as a soundtrack to The Wizard of Oz' thing. Oh wow... awesome/creepy shit there. Highly reccomended.

As if things weren't cool enough, we then decided to view the masterpiece of film that is El Mariachi. There are 1001 inside jokes that could go here, but I'll spare you all. Just please, go see this movie. It was made with about 7,000 dollars, half of which was made by the guy who wrote/directed/produced/filmed submitting himeself to medical expiriments. [Which may explain why the movie turned out like it did...]

Oh yeah. Also earlier that day my neighbors house set on fire. It was a chimney fire, and the fire department came and everything. I got pictures. Dramatic 'I am a firefighter and I love America' pictures.

The next day, I was cleaning off my stereo set and I noticed something slipped underneath the TV set. I pulled it out and found it was a birthday card. 'That's nice' I'm thinking 'I wonder who sent it' *opens card*. Inside the card was 25$ from my Uncle Jim and Aunt Jeannie that I forgot to take out of the card. It felt like getting 25$ for free, so I was really psyched. Of course, with my rabid spending habbits, 10 out of that 25 was gone the next morning after feeding myself and Lizz at Windsteads. Why? Because I plan on spending the rest of my life writing movie screen-plays in diners, while haning out with random, weird, people [In this instance, Lizz]...

After that we went to the Nelson again. And while one might think this is superfluous because we were just there a few weeks ago, we found like an entire separate floor. Where they keep the African/Oceanic/Native American crapola. We were fairly excited. This all came to a climax though in the Native American place where we found 2 things:

1. 'Power Objects' Little wooden/metal toy-looking things that were supposedly magical and had powers... of magic. [WTF?!]

2. The Hampster Art. They went to the trouble of carving out rounded stones and dressing them with little feathers and beads to make hampster-art, the most random thing ever. But thats not even the half of it. The smaller of the two was named simply 'Fettish', the meaning of the word in that case, of course, being 'magical object'. However its slightly larger friend warrented the title 'Animal Fettish', and after that we just couldn't stop laughing. How can you write 'Animal Fettish' on a title card and still be serious about it all?! [Most of you probably could, but we're immature and enjoying it, so back the hell off.]

So then I'm sitting at home, watching Kids in the Hall. By far the best sketch-comedy show ever [It's from Canada, and has David Foley. Even SNL can't beat that]. And Comedy Central always has the same commercials, day after day. One of which is for this Tempur-Pedic bed thing that has fistoelastic memory cells in it. It's supposed to be all 'flexible but not stiff' or whatever. [I personally would prefer to sleep on a surface with the resistance of jello, and the texture of cotton, but that's just me.] Anyway they market this bed like it was some kind of advance in bed-technology. Apparently the Sweedish designed the stuff for NASA...

Question: Why the hell is NASA buying their bedding from the Sweeds?! No wonder they're having budget troubles, they're spending 10,000$ on a mattress! In the educational films they weren't even on this Tempur-Pedic stuff, they slept in giant duffle-bag shaped things nailed to the wall...

Kids in the Hall came back on then, and I stoped having a god damn hernea about the Tempur-Pedic thing, but it still steams me. Anyhow, I did pick up one of the greatest quotes ever from that show:


It's an answering machine Christine,
the greatest creative outlet of the 90s!

Amen to that. I'm in the process of coming up with a totally awesome and secret new answering machine message for our house. We've been using the one on there right now since I was like 7. And by the way, no, I do not have a little brother. That's what I sounded like when I was 7. But for the record: Yes, I do have a little brother. His name is Kip. We don't let him out of the house for fear that he'll be killed on the streets for having such an outlandish name...

You know what's had me down for a good long while? The whole Sadie Hawkins thing.

Option A: I go, with someone who I'd probably have to pay to take me. It isn't much fun because I don't dance well in front of people and when I do they just laugh and the music sucks anyway.

Option B: I stay home and do something fun with a friend [eg: Movie, Dinner, Dinner and a Movie, etc]. Option B is obviously the superior of the 2, but because all of you dicks out there choose Option A, I've got no one to help in the execution of Option B! And I'll be damned if I'm not having a good time... when I know other people are... kind of.

In any case, I've found a suitable compromise to rectify that situation, so it's no longer a problem. But can you understand my predicament?!

On a final, and very important, note: You all know what a 9 Volt battery looks like, correct? Have you ever heard the thing people say about how you can tell if it still has a charge or not by touching your tounge to the end? Well that's true.

VERY true.

I decided one day I would find out if it was, so I licked the end. 1 word: Motherfuckinouch. It hurt at first, and then it was just like I had molten penny in my mouth, everything tasted like it has a metalic finish put on it [Think metalic gel pens, except more in the taste-realm]. It was then that I remembered our 8th grade science teacher using a 9v cell to show us how electrolosis [Where you pump electricty through water, and it splits it into Hydrogen and Oxygen] works. Imediatly following, I realized that I am in fact one of THE dumbest people in this city.

At this rate cowboys, I'll be spending Sadie's with a pack of 9 volts and some Kids in the Hall reruns.

Replies: 9 Buddies Neglected Their Oral Hygiene

675 on spank the monkey, sucka.

Posted by sean @ 01/12/2004 12:04 AM CST

Mein hast 199 and climbing. 315 mph on spank the monkey.

Posted by Josh @ 01/11/2004 08:27 PM CST

i want to lick a battery.

Posted by Brigid @ 01/11/2004 12:20 PM CST

OK Tom....If you've never laid down on one of those tempur pedic beds you're missin out!!! They're soooo incredibly comfotable!!! And the battery....my cousin showed my that when i was like 5 and i got addicted to it for a while....i was always asking him for a battery....crazy childhood (its a shame i somewhat grew out of it)

Posted by Becca @ 01/10/2004 09:25 PM CST

Spaank the monkey is the best: "dumb/highly entertaining" combination of flash games ever.

I'll be working on an option B for us loser guys. Probably an anime marathon. Hell, sounds good just by myself. See you guys in thirteen hours.

Posted by sean @ 01/09/2004 11:08 PM CST

OKAY second try. I have several comments, assuming i remember long enough to type them. 1. I appreciated and related to your battery story. It also made
me laugh. I too have done stupid things like that, including but not limited to stapling my fingers together, and other things which I wont type because
they're embaressing. (which leaves you to wonder whats worse than the stapling) 2. Wow, what your grade school days must have been like for a near-fatal
wounding to be nostaligic memory. It makes me think that my days with those colorful characters dont compare. 3. I also don't think the weird shitty "art" at
the nelson is art. but hey, gotta applease those stupid communist fashist nazis somehow. 4. you went to the nelson without me again!!!! I only live 3.6 miles from it! (running) 5. "wey"

Posted by Kate @ 01/09/2004 09:45 PM CST

they're not really spending the money on that
they're using that to cover the costs of hiding their UFO research

Posted by ethan @ 01/09/2004 04:34 PM CST

either 3d pong was the best kept secret on the net for about 2 years, or everyone just decides to go try it out after reading about it in the latest egm. since we're back on the old topics, does anyone remember this? http://www.ebaumsworld.com/spankmonkey.shtml
i don't even know if our school does a sadies dance. i havn't heard anything about one, and i really couldn't care less. plus, i i know no one at my school, so i may just be playing ddr or something. wanna go hang out?

Posted by Dan @ 01/09/2004 03:32 PM CST

go option B!!!

Posted by kt @ 01/09/2004 07:20 AM CST