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Well, it finally happened.
Things were going fairly well, so I knew it was only a matter of time before things got shitty.
That is the first rule of Tom Club; the second rule of Tom Club being I will hit you if I feel like it.
Today was mondo-fucked up, but let's get some recap action first.
You know how in books they always have that page that says
"If you purchased this book without a cover you should be aware that this book is stolen property. It was reported as "unsold and destroyed" to the publisher, and neither the author nor the publisher has recieved any payment for this "stripped book."
My question being, has anyone ever gotten one of these 'stripped books'? And also, has anyone ever noticed this page is usually the first one, or one right after the cover? So if I were an aspiring book-criminal, I'd just rip off the damn warning page with the cover... [Anyone who can shed light on this issue becomes an honorary member of Tom Club.]
Last friday I wore my Howard Dean T-shirt to school on account of selling 4 magazine orders. The T-shirt itself is very rock, but I lack a picture of me in the shirt [I'll get one soon enough]. The logo that went on the t-shirt is [here], and this is the [website] I stole the clever phrase from.
Stephan Thrun, everyone's favorite half-japanese wrestling dude started his own blog as of recent, and because he is rad and cool, we will give him a special [Start-Up Link]; visit and read, because it's Stephan.
I was at the Corinth Hen House the other night when it dawned on me that I go to school with half of their workforce; possibly more. There was this one cashier dude I kept giving weird looks cause he was all familiar. Today I'm walking down the hall... there is cashier dude! Who is also 'Fun Hair Guy'. [I arbitrarily give people whose name I do not know nick-names based on what catches my eye about them] So that was pretty weird... It's also reaffirmed my deep-set vendetta against ever working in the food industry.
Random note: I am in desparate need of a Troll 2 party. All in favor let me know via comment or some other means. If you don't know what Troll 2 is, you're invited. Third rule of Tom Club: Logan's Run and Troll 2 are necessicary materials.
Finally we arrive at today. Chemistry... fine. Scripture... seating change, a good one. Homeroom... fuck...
We had to vote for some 'Sadie's King' bullshit. Whatever. I gave my ballot to Laura Thomas because I frankly don't give a damn. We're then discussing how entertaining it is that everyone is on the ballot, even though a lot of the people on there aren't going to be there for one reason or another. Then Cameron butts in, telling us who he thinks is the most worthy candidate of the title 'Sadie's King'
He proceeds to elaborate about how this said person is Cameron's best friend... [Insert pause, as Laura, Kevin, and I give him a 'thanks for sharing that useless tidbit of information'-look] Quickly, thinking he had erred, he responds to the look with 'But you guys are my friends too! You're not bad at all.'
Well shit Cameron, that's the last thing I wanted to hear you say. I can take the random interjections into conversations that don't concern you, I can take the absurd level of Keelnex intake you sustain, hell even the spitting in the trashcans doesn't get to me as much as you thinking I'm your friend.
Lets set the record straight. Fourth rule of Tom Club: I am NOT everyone's friend. If you don't agree with me on stuff [EG: republicans] that's fine. But if you are an ass [or excessively annoying] to me or other people, then we are NOT friends. Just because I'm not annoying or assinine back to you does not make me your friend... I know no one gives a damn, but that really freaked me out.
So as if this little trauma of homeroom wasn't bad enough... come third hour, things got a lot worse. Friday we led the revolt. We moved our seats, whether provencher liked it or not. We asked nicely. Then we made kind demands. Then some less kind demands. Then we just moved. Apparently that last little bit set him off, because come today, he had a new seating chart in his hand. And it was not one of our suggested ones.
He was pissed at me too. He didn't say it, but the seating chart sure as hell did. Allow me to illustrate via poor ASCII art.
[R] - the Radiskull
[U] - less than awesome person
[A] - standard issue awesome person
[A] [A] [A]
And I'm not to sure about the rest of the class. But he obviously sought to isolate me from the rest of all the people I wanted to sit by. I'm not saying I didn't have it coming to me; I probably did. But this is just unfair. We were absurdly nice about it for a long time, and now he starts with this shit. So I'm going all out. This is war now. Fifth rule of Tom Club: DO NOT FUCK WITH THE RADISKULL.
He'll get no voluntary participation out of Herr Hogan for the
rest of the year. Maybe he doesn't give a damn, but I don't care. I refuse to
activly do anything in that class anymore. He also made the mistake of putting
me by the window, which allows for maximum zoning-out. And now we'll slip into a
Lord of the Rings narration voice:
One Seating Chart for the first semester;
Two Seating Charts requested for the second;
One Seating Chart for the revolution;
and One Seating Chart for the retalitaiton;
But they were all of them decieved...
For in the Darkness of the ThinkHole,
another Seating Chart was created;
One Chart to rule them all,
One Chart to seat them,
One Chart to smack Mr. Provencher,
And in the Darkness BEAT him...
Tom always wins, no matter what. This is no different. Draft Drei will be the most powerful and terrible of all the seating charts there ever were...
So yeah. That was 3rd hour... 4th hour only made things worse. I'm not going to elaborate about how Edmonds is completely nuts, senile, and inept at teaching. That would be excessive, and it isn't the least bit entertaining. She's nuts. She doesn't allow us, the ones supposed to be learning, analyize the literature, she just TELLS us what we're supposed to get out of it. In doing so, she broke the Fith Rule of Tom Club.
DO NOT FUCK WITH THE RADISKULL.
Lunch helped a lot. Tim and I suddenly remembered all the good times we had at Vis. Someday I will chronicle them, for I was blog-less then, and put them here for your enjoyment. 'Till then, just be happy you didn't go there, look what it did to me...
Getting home was equally as pleasing. The CDs that I ordered off the internet came in the mail, so I rocked out to REM [Eponymous] and The Breakfast Club [O.S.T.] goodness. So the neverves are calmed. I might just say 'to-hell' with my afternoon news session. They only play the same 5 stories over and over, and I have the Great Gatsby rented from the library.
Now, for convenience's sake:
First rule of Tom Club:
If things are going good, they will proceed to suck.
Second rule of Tom Club:
I will smite you if I feel so inclined
Third rule of Tom Club:
Logan's Run and Troll 2 are to be regarded as sacred media.
Fourth rule of Tom Club:
I am NOT everyone's friend.
Fifth rule of Tom Club:
DO NOT FUCK WITH THE RADISKULL.
Sixth rule of Tom Club:
Cowboys and Ninjas are gods;
they deserve respect, and food... and sexual favors.
Replies: 9 Buddies Neglected Their Oral Hygiene
yo!!! hey count me in for troll 2! oh and....AND logan's run... and we can't forget the breakfast club thats a must see, even though i've seen it an ass load of times. its a keeper! a'ight haha
Posted by cousin j...... the j stands for jessica @ 02/02/2004 05:53 PM CST
becca, tone down the exclamation marks. it's giving me a headache.
It looks like you've violated the 8th rule of Tom club, becca. you're questioning tom. really, jeez.
Posted by Sean Svadlenak @ 01/31/2004 09:39 PM CST
I agree with eveything you said. you make me laugh
Posted by Kate @ 01/31/2004 08:01 PM CST
Tom....Mr. Provenchr is chaperoning on my mission trip!!!! Should I be scared of that?! Oh....and dont forget the SEVENTH rule of tom club....tom is ALWAYS right!! haha good times in chemistry such as..... Mrs. McCoy: "Tom is the guy who lives across the table from you." Thank you....I doubt I ever would've figured it out if it weren't for her!!! haha
Posted by Becca @ 01/31/2004 02:25 PM CST
about that deadline...yeah, i was trying to get a thing going for saturday... since anti sadies looks like it's just going to be me. i must not have mentioned it. i was inviting stephan and kevin, and besides, this is something i've been wanting for months...
Posted by sean @ 01/28/2004 10:07 PM CST
this just in. i told becky about it, and she said "he brought that up in german. he was all 'my freshmen are whining about their seating chart so im gonna give them one they hate'"
Posted by r-unit @ 01/27/2004 03:12 PM CST
you know, last year my friend andrea was complaining about the
seating chart and mr p was liek "thats right, andrea, im a regular old
my german class waas like...segregated. the people on the right side of the room didnt talk to the people on the left. it was really weird.
if i was a sophomore, i totally wouldve voted for you guys for sadies king, tom and sean.
Posted by r-unit @ 01/27/2004 12:26 PM CST
heh, tom. you made an ASCII chart, made a reference to its name, and cameron thinks he's your friend. looks like i need to work harder on my title of "most likely to die a virgin, because he's just that damn nerdy," because you're making it seem like i have competition.
the saidies king voting: when i got it, my reaction was, "what the hell am i doing on this list??!! shit!!"
Posted by sean @ 01/26/2004 08:44 PM CST
I am much more then a 'standard issue awesome person', and I demand recognition as such.
Mr. P is power hungry, be careful in your plotting, don't underestimate the skinny pathetic one, he has nothing to loose.
Posted by annalizzz @ 01/26/2004 05:39 PM CST