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Friday, March 28, 2003

Well, after being labled a neo-nazi-potential-school-shooter I think just about anything would sound good. You were wrong. Tonight I'm going in search of THE crappiest movie ever. And knowing me I'll be able to find it. That is if I can sift through the 40 channels of after-10-oclock HBO porn. -no feat for a mere mortal. I feel bad because as of late my life has been like this: school-homework-zelda-sleep. No time for makin some funny on the blog, but I'm going to make that up to you with my review of the crappiest movie ever. That should be worth some laughs... right? Shit, don't answer that, I'll have the next post before midnight. --Slight Change-- I'm tired as hell, but I did watch and review a movie, so I'll have that tomorrow when I get back from congress.

Thursday, March 27, 2003

Hooo boy. Today was milestone central. While it might not have been something good, at least today was interesting. First off though, I have to give you a little back story.

When I was in gradeschool, I used to be real up tight. I did all my homework and made sure I was doing everything exactly right. Now that I look back I see that it really stunted me creativly to actually care that much about stupid ol' school. So in more recent years, I learned to relax, and that it was ok to get some stuff wrong on a test. Mind you I still care about my grades and all, but I've just learned to take all things in moderation.

Bottom line: Back in the day, I never got in trouble. Ever.

All that would change though, on the fine morning of March 27, 2003. I was just finnishing up a Geometry test, and a rather easy one at that, when the TA from the attendance office comes in and gives me a pass. A friend of mind had said recently that they asked him to be a peer-minister (catholic school crap, don't ask). We're in the same classes pretty much, and get the same grades, so I think to myself, isn't that cute, they want me to be a peer minister. As I'm leaving class though, I realize that it says "Attendance Office", not "Guidance Office" (Meaning that I'm not going to the happy fun-fun religion office, but to the very core of the evil administration itself). Crap I think, what could I have done. I haven't cursed or yelled at a teacher, or gotten into a fight, or killed anybody, so what do they want with me.

So I get there, and the Admin. guy Mr. B we'll call him, takes me back to his little concrete-box office with only one window. (Bummer I though, no wonder he's so crotchity all the time, they gave him the crappy office). So he tells me to sit down and whatever, so I do. Then he pulls out this pile of maybe 15 or so papers, unclips them, and holds up the first one. All of a sudden I see what it is, one of the drawings from my locker! (Side Note: Over the past Semester anda Half I've accumulated the weirdest collection of abstract poetry and off-the-wall drawings. I just threw everything in the locker, cause it was funny and I liked it.)

Turns out that, *by chance* the renta cop guy that patrols the halls saw one of the pictures that had me as Spike (Cowboy Bebop Guy). Of course, Spike, being a bounty hunter, has a gun, thats just what they do. Apparently this set off a red flag for the administration that I had "Armed charicatures" in my locker. What the hell? Any hoo, he goes through the WHOLE PILE and makes me explain every single one. Of course he doesn't believe me when I tell him what they are, because they're just plain weird stuff that only me and the people who gave it to me would understand. Apparently though, being that there was a gun and 2 knives in the whole stack, they think I'm going to kill some one, or like myself or something.

Lets get this straight here and now: No one on this whole planet, including myself, is worth the time and effort of purchasing a gun, and shooting the person. It's just not practical, besides, I believe in karma: everyone gets what's due to them. So why should I feel compelled to deal justice? I don't! After all that Mr. B called my dad, and then sent me to the counseler lady.

She was cool about it, she knew they were just weirdo kid jokes, and nothing else. She let me go and said nice things to me. They should make her in charge of the admin, not some old dude who's job it is is to keep girls' skirt lengths in check. Gross. Glad I don't wear skirts... to school.

In the end, I took all the pictures out of my locker, and replaced it with a single sheet of paper. A written copy of The First Amendment to the Constitusion of the United States of America, gaurenteeing me to my right to express myself in any sort of way that does not bring harm to others. According to this, I have done no wrong, so eat it school administration. You can kiss my constitusionally-sound ass otherwise. (As soon as I can get some time with the scanner, I'll have the Reasons Why I'm Mentally Unsound page up on the site so you can see the pictures.)

Aside from that we played football outside, and made fun of jocks, which is ALWAYS a good time, and then I asked my religion teacher sac-religious questions... At the end of the day my debate coach (who they dragged into the whole "Tom's a psycho killer" deal mentioned above) was super-nice to me because she knew I was a good kid and didn't do anything wrong. Yea debate coach, you rule. She also gave me a sucker, which I enjoyed immensely. To wrap all this up... damn the school administration, they're all out to opress you. But I will have my revenge... oh yes, the PETA organization is going to get a very interesting video tape soon, but I can't say much more on that here.

Big Brother is always watchin you Cowboy.

Monday, March 24, 2003

GRAH!!! I'M SUPER PISSED! I'd been working on this [thing] for over 3 hours this afternoon (not the logo, but the actual program) and I just figured out that I can't do what that thing was supposed to do in HTML. Like I said, I'm really mad. In addition to all that today was supposed to be Z-DAY!!! And it kinda is... I got the call and everything, but it only ships today. I can't pick it up until tomorrow. Damnit.

On top of it all one of my friends is like sick. I dunno really what's wrong with her, but she had to take Valium (hardcore prescription medicine-drug that's also like a bad-drug on the street. intense shit.). Any hoo this stuff makes her all shaky and she's kinda hyper and its all not right and I feel bad and stuff. Trying to think of something nice to do... being that I'm not a nice person though, it's not going so hot.

The only semi-good/exciting news I have today is that yesterday my backyard set on fire. I'm not kidding either. One of the embers form my dad's grill flew out into the yard and landed in such a place with so much wind that my yard set on fire. We put it out with an extinguisher... but now theres a big 6-foot-in-diameter black scorch mark in my yard. It's totally the shit.

Only you can prevent forrest fires Cowboy.

Sunday, March 23, 2003

Wow. Takes a while to get back into the swing of things. But guess what happened today!? I went to the airport with my dad to drop off my grandma and I got Alfred back!! Yea! I'm so happy. Woo. Happy.

While I was at the airport though, I noticed a few things. Like on the luggage carosel, how they have those little signs that say "Many Bags Look Alike. Check Tags." Well its true. I pulled 3 bags off that thing that weren't even mine, and I felt like and idiot. After checking the tags. So after I do this a thrid time, my sister, of all people, walks up to me and says, really loud by the way, "MANY BAGS DO LOOK ALIKE. DON'T THEY TOM? WHY DON'T YOU CHECK THE TAGS!" I almost died laughing. So yeah, that was my little nostalgic moment.

Last night I went some places, and it was bitchin. At target I wasted 30 minutes of my life playing the same Zelda: Wind Waker demo over and over and over. The real version comes out tomorrow, so I figured I should get some practice in. Yea! Tomorrow is Z-Day. After that I went to Dick's Sporting Goods (Don't ask about the name... I honestly don't know....). There I looked at guns. Not real guns, but pellet guns, which only shoot plastic bits, but look every bit as cool. They're kinda pricy, but I'm gonna save my mon-ay. And then there were the real guns, like pump-action shotguns. They were cool too, but the clerk behind the desk wouldn't let me test one. Stupid fuck.

When I was done with my criminalistic fantasy raid of the sporting goods store, we went to a book store. My family hits on all the exreams. There I picked up some Cowboy Bebop Manga. This stuff is awesome. To start, all TokyoPop manga is published in real Japanese Graphic Novel Style. Backwards. The book's cover is on the back, and the pages go right-to-left. They still read top to bottom on each page, but it right-to-left again when you're going from frame to frame. Aside from that it was more Bebop stories so I was grossly pleased. In addition though, the guy who rang us up at the book place was as big of a fanboy as me. He said that he doesn't think Spike is- holy crap. Almost had a huge spoiler there. He basically said they might try and make a sequel series to Bebop, or spin-offs about the characters individually. But the real gem in this conversation was that Cowboy Bebop: The Movie might come to Ward Parkway in KC!!! (Close to where I live). So now I'm really SUPER excited.

All that being said, life is good. Even if those stupid airport ladies make fun of me for wanting to get my cat back. If you wenches are reading this, I love my freakin cat, so eat me.

Check your tags Cowboy.

Wednesday, March 19, 2003

Salt Lake City: Land of the Mormons

Well, vacation started out interestingly enough. We almost missed the plane when my dad's car's tire almost caught on fire. So we turned around, switched cars, and then drove like no other to the airport. Luckilly we made it there in time. After checking the bags and getting on the plane and stuff, we took off. I haven't been on a plane in a while so I'm kind of enjoying this. I get a drink and snacks and everything is cool. Then, out of no where, my sister pulls a bag of Chick's and Rabits out of her backpack! Of course then I feel compeled to eat some, so I do. As you may know, I have a clinical addiction to these things, so I ended up eating more than 1/2 a bag. Yum. After getting all excited over the new design of the Coke can though, we had to switch planes in Albaquerqe, New Mexico.

I'll start by saying I've only seen ABQ's airport, but I love this city. It's so totally cool, all Mexico-America fusion like and stuff. You can buy a burrito and a hot dog at the same stand. Needless to say, I had quite a good time. But it was the promptly ruined by this chick on her cell phone. She pulls it out and is all "I CAN'T HEAR YOU! THIS IS A BAD CONNECTION! CAN'T YOU HEAR THE STATIC? WHAT?! YOU DON'T HEAR THE STATIC?!" And about then I'm getting pretty pissed. So I walk up to my parents, who can hear her from the other end of the terminal-thing, and I ask them if they can hear the static. After the lady hung up her stupid phone I walked over and in my most polite voice asked her if SHE could hear the static. Then I walked away. Albaquerqe rocks.

Now, the plane ride to Salt Lake City was even more exciting. I'm eating my second bag of airplane-issue Wheat Thins, when I start to ponder something I've been wondering for a long time. After repeated times throwing the Wheat Thin at the chair in front of me I was graced with The Wheat Thin Revelation. It basically states that the reason things don't fly back and hit you in the face when you throw them inside vehichles moving at high velocities (IE: Me throwing wheat thins at people in an air plane) is because in order for them to fly back and hit you, they'd have to come to a complete stop. Being that they're moving at the same speed as the airplane the 2 seconds they spend in the air are not enough for them to slow down. That's why wheat thins hit people on cell phones on the back of the head even in airplanes. I thought it was interesting...

Any-hoo we finally got to the hotel in SLC. This hotel was bitchin. There were only really crappy concrete stairs... because anytime you wanted to go up you used one of their three high-speed elevators! It was awesome. Plus they had free breakfast where the cook dudes would make eggs any way you want them, and you got all kindsa other fun breakfast food-stuffs. Good stuff. One night me and my sister decided to make good use of the key my parents let us share, and the 4 dollars we each had in change.

That's right, [MISSION IMPOSSIBLE MUSIC CUES] secret agent in the hotel! We took the walkie-talkies from the suit case, and ran around different floors, played in the elevators, called eachother by cool code names, and left vending-machine-food in weird places for the other person to pick up. I felt totally kid-like, but also mondo-cool. Word.

The room we had was all weirdo, so my parents got one of the double beds, and my sister got the other. Me? I slept on the fold out couch in the 1/2 of the room with the TV. I'm surprised I slept at all. I watched a ton of weird movies, which I'll briefly outline here:

Strange Chess Movie- Old-Timey chess master guy goes mental at the chess championship and can only get better by giving up chess. Sad and good and I still dunno the name.

Striking Distance- Bruce Willis and Sarah Jessica Parker are waterfront boat cops, Bruce has a troubled past as a homicide cop and Sarah is an undercover agent. Good shit, if you can follow Bruces past and remember who all of his seemingly endless supply of cop cousins are. Plus Sarah Jessica Parker gets in a diver suit. I don't think I need to say anything else.

The Heist- Pierce Brosnan and Tom Skerritt duke it out theive-style for some chick and a whole lotta money. Had Jags in it, plus it was all "Ha Ha I got you" at the end. I love theif movies... they're so... bad.

The Big Hit- Bleh. What a crappy moive. I hated this one. Marky-Mark Whallburg is both an idiot and a whould-be bad ass in this flick. In one scene he uses the word "bizz-nazz". I almost puked right there. At the end though, he was all ass-kickin and such. I was confused, and the over-all lack of plot was... well, to be honest, not surprising. But Christina Applegate was in it... yeah. Like I said, plotless.

Clue- I only saw the end of this one, but Tim Curry is a god. Plus this movie is cool in a weird sorta way. Basically its a game of clue only movie-ized. At the end though, there's a killer twist that makes it better than just "another movie about a board game". And we all know how well "Guess Who!" the movie turned out...

So, after a lot of TV, lets talk about SLC. What an cool city. They have light rail, which makes me jealous, and mountains, which just isn't fair. The weird part is that in KC, the clouds are just like all high up there and stuff; but in Salt Lake the mountains punch right through the clouds. I was kinda in shock... I need to get out more. Also, why is it that every other city besides the one you live in has a good radio station?! That's a question I doubt I'll ever be able to answer. They've got a ton of public storage places along the highway too... weirdo mormans...

Moving on to the whole war deal. I'm sitting on the very uncomfortable fold out couch bed not wanting to get up when my mom says from the other room" "What?! We're going to war?!" I got up after that. Damn Bush. He almost started a God Damn War when I was on an airplane. I have no more respect for that ass hole. Grr.

On the way out of SLC we stoped for gas. Across the street there was a KFC. The funny thing was though, that the giant bucket on top of the store was dented. How the hell does something like that happen? I dunno either. After that though we sat and waited in the airport for the plane that was gonna take us home. While we waited I messed up my Rubik's cube even more, so I was pissed. In my anger I ran rather hastilly to the boarding line... forgetting Alfred.

Alfred was a small black cat with a red ribbon. If you put batteries in him he'd walk around and meow. I bought him at some close-out store in downtown SLC. I forgot him at the stupid airport. By the time I remembered the plane was already on the run way. I almost cried. I felt so bad. Poor little Alfred sitting all alone at SLC Int'l because I was pissed at my cube.

Talk about a downer. Luckilly though, when I got back to KCI I went to talk to the baggage office. They called back to the airport and he was OK!!! I was so incredibly happy! They're gonna mail him back to KC and I just have to go pick him up. Totally happy and good vibes to everyone. It was a totally excellent vacation. Oh yeah, and we skiied some too.

Once again Cowboy, the cube is the root of all evil.


Heark! I have returned.

Crap I just heark didn't I? It's the altiude adjustment... I swear....

Well it's good to be back. Skiing was fun, it really was, but I was totally ready to come back home. So here I am, heating my computer back up. Being that it hasn't been off for more than 12 hours at a time I'm sure that this was a good little break for him too. So yeah. Still can't stir up any wit or cynicism after my 2 hour plane flight, but later on tonight I'll get right to work on the super-mega-vacation-recap entry. I can feel your excitement.

Until then though, I'm pleased to unveil the better-late-than-never .brak//SIGN- The Official Website of BRAKER! Have fun kids, I'll be back later.

Cowboys don't sleep, they nap.

Saturday, March 15, 2003

I must appologize. Quickly. Brack-Sign won't be up as planned being that I didn't get the pictures in time. It will be up when I return on the 19th though, in all it's blazing glory. Now I gotta go cause my plane leaves in 2 hours so ok bye.

Time to hit the slopes Cowboy.

Thursday, March 13, 2003

Alright, crazy stuff goin on as of recent but I'll do what I can to try and explain it.

I'm getting 3 rolls of pictures back tomorrow, so I'll spend some time logging and scaning those in so I can get the new website underway. Everyone cheer.

The website will have to keep you content for a while though, because I'm going to ski in Utah for the first part of my spring break next week. I'll try to find an internet cafe while I'm there, but I make no gaurentees. I'll make super-sure though to take not of the best Salt Lake City has to offer in terms of funny crap for the blog. Until then, I'm going to go do homework so I don't fail english class...

Did today's entry suck or what Cowboy?

Tuesday, March 11, 2003

OK, I got some minor bits of information after yesterday's mall-blow-out-entry.

1. I forgot to mention this, but on the last forensics tournament, the school we went to had all kinda of sweedish vending machines. I only say sweedish because Ethan told me that somewhere in Sweeden they have a super market thats all vending machines. Cool huh? Shut up Ethan. This is my blog. Anyhoo, one of the vending machines in the school had Pens! Just like throw a quarter in there, turn the fun little yellow dial, and then clunk. Out pops a little pen in a plastic sleeve. I was so excited I bought 3.

Moving on to number 2. Chicks and Rabits. Oh you evil little bastards. So light and fluffy and full of sugar with your cute little blue, orange, and yellow artificial coloring. Damn you. I hate you. You've taken me over! I can't stop eating these things! Bah. No idea what I'm talking about? Catch a peek at the little buggers at their official homepage. So sugar filled... ahhh... *drools*

So I have found the second incarnation of Satan on Earth: The Addictive Chicks and Rabbits. Number one being of course, the both wonderful and horrible Rubik's cube from hell. All that being said, today turned out rather well. I finally got my pictures to the Photo Place, so they should be developed and scan-able in time for the opening of .brak//SIGN on the 14th, this Thursday, so get excited.

Chicks x Rabits + Cool Hat - 80% Sugar = Cowboy.

Monday, March 10, 2003

Wow. Today was totally awesome. Not only did I see a thrift store, but I also saw the biggest mall ever. I'll start from the beginning.

I woke up this morning at the regular school time even though I didn't have school. I then proceded to brush my teeth and take a shower and all that good morning stuff. Cleanliness is Next to Godlienss- pshyeah, right. That's all we need is more Obsessive Compulsive Religous Fanatics running around this town. Anyhoo, I suited up in the usual deal, and then went downstairs to wait to be picked up. While doing this I saw the first hour and a half of "Behind Enemy Lines". The niffty air-force-pilot-survivor-story with Owen Wilson in it. It was hard to watch the movie when you're expecting him to be funny when he really isn't in the context of the film. Whatever. My ride got there so then I left.

Next we went to the thrift store. I'd only seen the first half part of it dropping off old clothes with my mom, but it turns out there's a whole nother side with fun old-school Piece-of-Shit electronics! I was ecstatic, needless to say. They had the greatest stuff there, like BETA cassettes, and early-production CD Players that plugged into early-productions stereo recievers. It was so totally bitchin. After that little extravanganza though, it was time to go check out the big guns.

To be perfectly honest, I'm not really a mall type of guy. Malls are geared towards people with lots of time, money, and impulsive feelings. I only have 1 of those three, and here's a hint: It's not money or impulsive feelings. So as I've said I don't really hit the mall scene unless I've got a reason. Well today I didn't have a reason, but I went in with my friends anyway. Oh dear god let me tell you, Oak Park Mall is like a small city. It's like one of those army base towns where everyone lives in a little box, but they've got everything from groceries to guns. That's what this place was like.

To jump-start your addictive personality-within, they put a Crane-Game right by the entrance. A RIGGED crane game I might add. Three dollars and 10 minutes we put into that thing, what to we get? Nil. DAMN YOU CRANE-MACHINE! ONE DAY I'LL TAKE THAT CLAW, AND SHOVE IT RIGHT UP YOUR TOY-DESPENSION SHOOT. -bleh- So things started out on a moderatly interesting note. After my friends bought their shoes the real crazy shit began to happen. First off, I got lost in a surffer-clothes store. Hell I don't even remember how I got in there but I do remember when I tried the "Exit" door that it was jammed and I couldn't get out! Super scary.

After I was rescued from that trap though, we continued through the labyrinth of shops and booths and abstract art until we found the weird store with stuff-you-never-thought-you'd-need-and-probably-don't-anyway. And it was all in neutral colors; weird huh? So that was pretty interesting, but I can only take so much cutsy-overpriced-artistic junk, so we pressed onward. Back to the military base allegory: They have a food court; and not just a regular food court, but like... words fail me. There were at least 10 different resturaunts, 8 of them ethnically themed. And with all the mad diversity, I STILL only got pizza- but damn was it good pizza.

After pizza we went to the toy store. This is where my stone-cold sense of frugality failed. Give me a break they had Rubik's Cube!!! I've wanted one of these since I was a kid. They're supposed to provide endless hours of fun- BULL SHIT! More like endless hours of frustration. I spent the better part of the last 7 hours of my life twisting and turning that thing, and what do I have to show for it?!

Yeah, I made up for all that problem-solving action by killing off my brand new brain cells watching I'm-so-funny Jim Carry on TV in "The Majestic". Only problem was, this movie suffered the same affliction that the Owen Wilson movie of earlier thismorning did! They took a super-funny actor and put him in a really feel-good-make-you-love-life kinda movie. DAMNIT. After that my cousin came over to use our scanner. I felt super-nerd-like being that I knew all the coolio tricks, but it was all cool.

So after that and more Rubik's Cube action, I.... I.... Oh dear god. DAMN YOU RUBIK'S CUBE! I've been tinkering with you so long I don't even remember what I did after dinner! It's like green.....DAMNIT. BLOG. I seriously don't remember.... Who needs TV or narcotics when you've got the geometric-puzzle-from-hell?

So that's my day in a nutshell. It went pretty well, and I got an evil time-devouring color cube out of it in the end too. You can't beat that.

Rubik's Western: Billions of Combinations! Only ONE Cowboy.

Saturday, March 08, 2003

God, I am completely drained from forensics. Damn intelectual sports, it's not fair. In other news, the new site is coming along nicely, and should be ready by appointed time. I hope.

I just got off the phone with a friend of mine and we talked and stuff and it was cool. I then came upon the weirdest website. Ever. I've seen weird stuff, but this, this is TOO weird. The Brotherhood of Light it's called. No, it's not the democratic version of the KKK, its some crusade kinda deal. I'll have the link up later, but I just woke up from a nap on the floor, so more tomorrow.

zzzzzzz- huh? what? Cowboys? oh... just a dream -zzzzzz

Thursday, March 06, 2003

Well hello everyone. Over the past while I've made a list of some stuff I thought might have the workings for a good blog entry. Um yeah. Thats about all for the introduction , so here we go:

I have serious motivation problems. I mean really. It took me an hour and a half of just messing around on the computer to get around to writing this entry. Is that sad or what? For Lent I told my religion teacher my resolution was to start my homework before 12:30 AM. Saddly enough I wasn't kidding. And I feel bad about it and all, but deep down I just have non-caring/motivational problems. But then I'm not a doctor... even though I play one on TV.

Next up is the all-horrible Chair Nazi. Whats that?! Exactly what it sounds like. Its this kranky old janitor lady at my school who has this insane obsession about chairs. We were stacking fold-out chairs after an assembly one day, and I accidentally put a chair with curved legs on the "straight leg" pile (no this isn't a homosexual joke! there really are 2 different types of chair legs). Anyhoo she like completely goes off on me! Like freak-attack-yell-your-head off. It's a chair- Jesus get a life... But NO! It's not just in the gym, its everywhere! Me and Tanner decided to sit at a table by the window yesterday, just for a change. Chair Nazi comes up to us and says: "Git outa there! You know betta!" and does this this little wave motion with her hand. WHAT THE HELL?! God thanks for nothing you stupid Chair Nazi.

Here's a shorty: The show Law & Order. I have the weirdest little deal with that show. I like the first part, the LAW part of Law & Order, with the 2 cop guys, ones really old... you know. But the second part I find to be the most dull thing in the whole world! It just bores me to death, so now I just watch the Law part. Order sucks. Go Law!

In a past blog entry I posted some bit about how I really detest cheerleaders. Yeah. Well I feel kinda bad about that. Some cheerleaders are nice. As a mater of fact, most of them aren't that bad. I think I must just be intimidated by how uncannily peppy they are. And the uniform. Yeah... its gotta be the uniform...

Lastly Joe's hat. Joe let me borrow his super-cool hat today. It's like a really nice Italian-Looking job too. I could only wear the had durning class, all the other times in the hall I had to take if off because of Bohaty- the hall monitor dude. Aside from that I really enjoyed this hat. I felt all FBI/Mafia/KGB like with it on. In 7th hour a sophmore took it from me so I kicked him in the back of the knee and took it back. Go me- NINJA STYLE.

That about wraps it up. The stuff in red has to do with the new site dealy, I promise it'll all make sense in a while.

Who can resist a Cowboy in a hat?

Wednesday, March 05, 2003

Muah ha ha ha. This isn't todays post. Or at least it's not supposed to be. I suppose if I forget to post this afternoon this will be todays post, but just so you know... SHUT UP! Oh. Sorry, it's late and I'm rambling. What I just thought I'd get up here is that on April 19th, 2 weeks from today, we're... ok scratch that, I'm going to unveil the coolest thing you'll ever see next to this Blog: .brak//SIGN- The Offical Website for Braker! Ok, so it's a rip from a video game/anime franchise. Just like everything else in this stupid blog.

Anyhoo, it's gonna have all kindsa fun stuff, mostly pictures. Now you'll be able to see where I do all my computer-work, my gundam toys, and even the coveted BROTHERHOOD MIX. In addition it proves that I'm not making all this stuff up. Bonus. That's all for right now. I have to go start my homework.

Coming Next Year: Cowboy Brakbop.

Tuesday, March 04, 2003

Lets start today off on a mondo-creepo note. I have a stalker- and let me tell you its no picnic. I can't go anywhere without this chick like waveing at me and wanting to talk and crap crap crap. It's like go away! Leave me alone... you're obnoxious and scare me. A LOT! And on top of that she does this not-right thing where she like pets me, on the shoulder. GO AWAY STALKER WOMAN IF YOU'RE READING THIS. I DO NOT WANT TO FATHER YOUR CHILDREN OR EVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN.

few. that being said, lets move on to the after-school portion of today.

OK, tonight I went to a salad bar. Before I go on I should mention that I detest salad; I mean come on! You're eating leaves... yegh. So anyway I go just because my parents made me and blah blah blah. When we get there, I go through the salad bar and all i come out with is a giant pile of crutons and a little glop of ranch dressing. This actually turned out really great, being that I'd already eaten like the equivalent of 3 meals at school today.

So after that I decided when I got home that I needed an outfit; all the cool anime people have an outfit they always wear, so I decided I needed some sort of set ensamble to wear all the time as well. I made one, and its cool. I have a pair of jeans with a coolio belt, and a red shirt with a blue tie and a navy pullover thing with a nifty collar goes over the shirt/tie job. With rolled up sleeves and cool sunglasses. I made a picture but I look to much like johnny cash so I'm not going to post it. Hell yes.

After that I played with my gundams, listened to some Bebop tunes, and now im typing this. I sat down and my elbow shocked the metal radiator behind me, and the music and screen bliped. I was creeped out. After that I took my sunglasses off because it hurt my eyes after I typed about half of this. Ow. This can't be good...

Johnny Cash was a Cowboy.

[^Much, Much Later]

Coming at you from a late night session on Be aRe Ay Kay (0.008 BRAK AM) its me. Tom. Please, PLEASE! Hold your applause till the end of the program. Thank you.

Tonight, as I procrastinate my math homework, we're going to talk about how much I hate people. We'll boot with a quote from Men In Black: "A Person is smart, intelligent, quick witted, but people are stupid, slow, and panicy."
Or something like that.

When I walk through the halls at school I see a thousand and 1 people who are completely concerned with one thing: Their Present State of Being. They have no thought in their mind whatsoever about what's going to happen tomorrow, or what happened yesterdayy. Or any other day for that matter. They concentrate on their imediate needs and wants and nothing else.

For myself, I can't say I'm much better. I can never concentrate on the present, which is kind of sad. All I know is that when I grow up I'm going to completely isolate myself from the masses. According to a friend of mine just being around them could make me stupid through a process called "intelectual osmosis" as in they're stealing my wit and wisdom. How dare those bastards!

Grrr. That concludes the "I hate People Rant". For today.

In other news, I want to get in a fight with someone. I've been doing all this training and I'm dying to kick someones ass. Anybody. And today I also decided I'm going on a No-Crap diet. No more Mr. Nice Tom who just nods along. If someone steps on my foot, I kick them in the thigh. Someone punches me in the arm, I kick them in the thigh twice. BoomBoom. Take that.

See what happens when you people leave me alone!?

Better watch your thighs Cowboy.

Sunday, March 02, 2003

God. I'm beat. As of recent there's been an explotion of fanboy proportions in the Cowboy Bebop department. First of the movie is coming! April 4th! Get excited. I'm especially envious of you bastards who get it in your own town. I have to drive across the state to St. Louis Missouri because the bastards aren't relesing it in KC! Grr. Any hoo, I'm also gathering songs form and then burning CB soundtracks. It's both illigal and fun; and how many things can you say that about?!

Enough of my boring fan obsession though. We'll get to the comic wit portion of todays entry.

erm.. the comic wit portion....

crap. I forgot to prewrite it. oh well, onward with the improv:

Today I went outside with a big stick. The stick is my height and about and inch and a half thick. So I put on an oxford shirt with a flipped up collar and rolled up sleeves. I throw on a tie. It's cool. So I go down to the local park and start trying to spin this stick around all cool like. Takes me about 15 minutes to get the hang of it but I finally do. So there I am, in the middle of a park, spinning a stick around like a ninja in my out-of-place getup. People would drive by and stare at me, which was entertaining to say the least.

After that I started trying to jump the length of this little fountain deely. I fell in a few times, but that's ok because its winter an there was no water. Lucky for me. But in the summer I'm going to look super coolio when I jump over the filled pond. Hell yes. This summer I'm going to try and couple stick-jump training with blind training. As in I can jump over stuff and spin a sitck like a ninja all the while not being able to see a thing. Soon I will be a nerd with super-bad ass abilities. Or so thats the idea behind all this...

Don't fall in the water Cowboy.

Sunday, February 23, 2003

Welcome to another fun hour of blog.

Ok, scratch that. The producers cut us down to a couple of paragraphs but lets get going.

Today we're going to talk about good stuff. Noramly I complain and bitch and whine about something, but not this time. Today we're going to talk about stuff that makes me happy.

Thing #1: Japanese Anime- There more than an thousand reasons why I like this, but for today we'll center on the story lines. With anime its like theres a distinct beginning, and a distinct end. The characters do what they came there to do, and then the series is over. No more crappy sequels ::cough exorcist 3 cough:: or bad prequels ::cough manhunter cough:: or series that won't ever end ::cough friends cough:: Just one really good story that people don't mind watching over and over. Thats the way it should be.

Thing #2: People with funny hair- This is a short one. To all you people with absurdly weird hairstyles: I salute you! You make everyones day by just letting us see somthing different. Woo.

Thing #3: Action Figures- OK why the hell don't people over the age of 11 play with toys anymore? I mean seriously. Just yesterday I went on down to target, spent eight bucks, and bought an action figure. I brought it home, figured out how the accessories worked and how to pull of the limbs without breaking them, and I set to work. Or play for that matter. I came up stairs, put on some coolio background music, and started playing with it. I was making little sound effects and smashing it into things; and I was really happy. Who says we have to grow up? If I had said this in front of my whole school, I'd have very little respect anymore. Honestly I don't care. This is something that makes me happy (and probably used to make a lot of other people happy but they were told to "grow up") and I'm going to keep on doing it.

Never grow up Cowboy. Ever.

Friday, February 21, 2003

Hey everybody! Thought I forgot about you did ya? Well I didn't, just busy with more beauracratic school crap. You know the stuff. Any hoo, I've got some material from my forensics tournament tonight so here we go!

Alright, so between rounds were sitting in the commons area, which is like a big rectangle. With a lot of windows... the call it the "Bridge". Whatever. Anyhoo, the cheerleaders come in and start practicing and stuff. After the inital shock-enjoyment of dancing cheerleaders I started to think about stuff. Like how come they spend all this time just to be like a side show even for basketball games? I don't get it. I also then realized I hate most cheerleaders for the sole reason that most of them fit the sterotypes. Ditzy and self-centered. Or at least here in the midwest. Then I started to think about like how that uniformity they are so damn proud of. What if the governemnt put them in the army. It'd be like Cheerleaders in 'Nam or something:

Brittany! Dismount and heelflip launcher! Go Go Go!

Trixie: I'm on Brit! Let's go girls!

(Cheerleaders form up and start heaving bombs across the battle field like they'd throw a person.)

And after that it got to much like the beginning of a porno movie so I had to move on stealing cookies. In forensics your team gets a table. Anything on the table is yours. If someone set their crap on your table, its your crap. Someone set a bag of cookies on our table. Yummmmmmmm. Chocolate Chip.... My favorite.

Lastly there's rap songs. I hate rap songs. There's no music, its just words and a beat. And cursing. And racial slurs. And womanizing. And the condonance of drugs. The list goes on. Rap started out with completely righteous beginnings. It was like rooted in Jazz which is a great genere. But now it's turned to the dark side of evil pop culture ::shakes fist:: DAMN YOU POP CULTURE.

OK, now we're going to do things a bit differently. My friend told me the other day that I was so funny it made him envious and that he hated me for it. OK, so he doesn't really hate me, so I took it as a compliment. Anyhoo though, I got to thinking. (Which is a milestone in and of itself) If you're reading the blog chances are you find it a little bit humorous, and I bet you spend every waking hour wondering how I do it. Well I'm going to give you a few pointers for the wayward smart-ass cynic.

1: Never go for the obvious Never make puns or plays on words the center of your joke. I promise you that no one thinks thats funny at all. No offense, it's just not.

2: Try to get a different perspective A person who I hold in very high regard once said that "the fact that something is true is what makes a joke funny". Look around you, like say the tree for instance. Most people think its a tree, big freakin woo. Not funny at all. But look at it this way: You ever wondered what it's like to be a tree? I mean you have birds living in your hair, which falls out every winter for some odd reason; people are constantly taping and tieing things to you, and eventually the cut you in half at your waist and go make a rocking horse out of your upper torso! (OK, crappy example, but you get the idea)

3: Remember your audience When your first meet someone, don't imediatly try and be funny. Its just like you don't try and buy something when you haven't checked the options. Watch some TV, listen to the radio, just genneral conversation. Try some stuff: Sarcasm, wit, getting overtly excited... See what they like. Make a note on that and expand.

4: Not everything is funny There are sometimes when you just have to shut your yap and go with things. Some of these times include funnerals, important financial meetings, inspection from customs agents, getting fired. Genneral stuff. Now afterwards some of these things might be funny, but at the time to those involved, I gaurentee you they're not.

So that about wraps it up. Mind you don't refer to that to the letter or anything, I know I don't. Just go with it, and if you hit a stump, this is comedic gennius cut up and laid out on the table for you. Hope it helps, if you care at all.

That's a knee-slapper Cowboy.