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The Blogger Year

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The Final Chapter

[This next bit] is the end of the Blogger/Braker era. Everything else is available in the local archives on the [main archive page].

Monday, June 30, 2003

Word up.

I'm back, with a whole 'nother slew of crap to bitch about. You'd better get ready.

First off, somethings come to my attention, and it needs to be rectified.

There are all these pseudo-badasses out there who think they're so god damn cool. They go ahead and write all their deep, dark, poetry, they pretend they have emotional problems to draw out sympathy from others which they only deny because of their so-called 'problems'. Well guess what posers?!

The jig is so up.

Take it somewhere else. You're poluting the world with your tear-filled-faux-emotional-problems, and no one gives a flying fuck. Mainly me. I personally do not consider myself a bad-ass; but I respect those who are truly bad-asses. You people do good work, keep it up.

But as for all the fakers... go away. We hate you and your fake problems. As a mater of fact, we should just build you a colony where you can all go and have you problems and your 'dark thoughts' (*gasp* you didn't think you were the only ones who thought about dying... did you?!) and you can just hang out there.

This concludes my angry non-humor oriented rant.

In other news, I've decided to make fun of the news.

Palestine and Israel reached some kind of truce. It's about fucking time. I guess there was once reasons for all this fighting, but most of the points are moot and now people have just been dying needlessly. So I reiterate: It's about fucking time.

Tropical Storm Bill pounded the Gulf Coast on Monday. And Industrual Tycoon Bill ravages the computer market with monopoly. Big freakin woo.

Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge could move up to eighth in the line of presidential succession, leapfrogging 10 other Cabinet members in a congressional effort to better prepare for a catastrophic attack on Washington.

Christ, Bush, if you love him so much, why don't you just sleep with him, fire him, and then we can get on with the rest of our lives. Maybe if you didn't let our country piss off so many people, we wouldn't have to worry so much about the dreaded 'catostrophic attack on Washington'. Besides, we could use some spring cleaning there anyway. Damn Beauracrats.

So thats the news. Sucks, don't it? Im going to start keeping my list again, so I'll have better stuff next time.

This Cowboy is Back.

Thursday, June 19, 2003

OK people. Here's the deal. I'm going on hiatus.

In leiu of the recent 'doing something every 10 minutes spree', I need to lay low for a bit. Smooth things over with the folks, you know?

1. I can't do anything for a week.

2. I'm going to see how long I can go computer-less. I'm not sure if it will work, but I'm going to try.

To all those people who never call me but to whom I talk online a lot, its up to you. On the one hand, you could assume that I'll come back. On the other, I would talk on the phone if you called.

And the third and most likely hand is that no one ever gave a flying fuck in the first place and I'm just going realized that even more in the next week or so.

'Good Day!' said the Cowboy.

Wednesday, June 18, 2003

woo. The past 3 days have been the vastest expanse of activity I've ever had...

Monday:

+ Ethan comes over
+ We ride to Sutherlands to buy locks and screw drivers
+ We pick locks
+ Stephan comes over
+ We all play lots of video games
+ We all go and get lunch

Tuesday

+ I see X-Men 2 with Melanie
+ Eat a ton of food when I got home cause I hadn't eaten until 8 that night

Wendsday

+ Go to Emily's house. Even though my gender is not welcome there
+ Ride with Adam to Sarah's house
+ Adam, Sarah, Mad, Emily, and Myself all buy ice cream
+ I get my entire mouth stuck on a god damn popsicle
+ Blood gets on my popsicle
+ I enjoy the iron taste of blood

Rock.

In addition, I heard adds for sex-enhancements on the radio, my computer finally crashed after being on for 6 days straight, and I realized what a crappy approach the catholic schools take to sexual education. Plus I got a great idea for a new Disney Channel show. More on that last one later.

This cowboys hands smell like Bubble Gum-Flavored Bomb Pop.
With just a *hint* of blood.

Tuesday, June 10, 2003

I have ortho in about 15 minutes, so this has to be quick. Even though I have a shit load of material for once.

Right. First order of business. American Ninja. You grew up with American Ninja, you practically cried when you heard of American Ninja 2: The Confrontation. Now, let me once again bring into the light another great movie based on absolutly nothing. American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt. Fuck yes I said. I only saw about 5 minutes, but the title alone was enough to get me all excited. I was let down though! Michael Dudikoff (Joe Armstrong) isn't in this one, which made me cry. But the dude who plays 'Jackson' is; and he is very rad. After this sweet-and-sour AN:3 expirience, I decided to do some research, and to my surprise, there are FIVE American Ninja movies!!! And Michael Dudikoff even comes back for #4! Come on HBO! I need my Ninja fix, and I need it fast. This is definatly getting a page on brak//SIGN.

Next thing while we're talking about TV. The other night I ordered a Pay-Per-View movie. The Ring. Ooooh. Scary. Well, PPV is a pretty entertaining little happening by itself. After your order the movie it starts this little counter, and after 1 min. it counts the seconds. I got really excited... 5... Do I have my popcorn? 4... Illigal video copying devide (VCR) ready? 3... What movie is this again? 2... Why is this thing counting? 1... Is porn more expensive, or cheaper, then a regular movie? 0. Movie starts.

Oh wait, no it doesn't. I get to watch another 5 minutes of ads. THEN the movie starts. After watching The Ring, I was pretty freaking scared. There was a point in the beginning where I'm litterally thinking: 'Dude. Not that scary. What is up with th-' and at that point I see a disfigured dead chick in a closet. GYAH! I spazed and fell off the couch. NOT rad at all. There were other parts I had to like yell at myself to watch, cause its JUST movie. You know? Bah. I always say 'Nah. Scary movies are never that scary'... Tom you are such an idiot...

Rewind to a couple days back though.
I found this little pamphlet about healthy eating that says if you eat 5 different colored fruits a day, it lowers cholesterol and helps fight against like cancer and stuff. Their website sucks, so I'm not gonna link it, but I think I'll try their little health plan. God knows I could use it. What with my high cholesterol and all that.

That same day I bought a CD. I haven't actually purchased a CD since like 2 years ago. No kidding. I got Third Eye Blind's 'Blue'. I had some of the songs on my computer, but now I legally own them. It felt kinda nice. Now there's like 5 CD's that I want, and I have no mon-ay. Next I went home and played James Bond and capped some russians. Life was good.

Until I get in an argument with a friend of mine. And it felt so good. I got this insane rush from trying to prove someone wrong. After a while I didn't even matter what we were fighting about it was just like this creepy thrill. After he blocked me I felt bad. Not that he'd blocked me, he was annoying at the time anyway, but that I'd taken such sick pleasure in something that shouldn't really be that fun. Yuck. I need help.

Later that night, I went to another friends house. It was pretty cool. We played Croquet. Which sounds kinda weird I know, but its actually fun. We were hardcore too. It started raining, but we kept smacking those wooden balls with mallets. And then we mixed it up and made it all crazy and rad. Then I thought wouldn't it be cool to croquet on the moon? All was well then, until we started Monopoly.

I'm really not much of a Monopoly person. I usually get out early, and then pose the metal figures in lude positions. It's just not really my thing. Anyhoo, my friend turns out to be this hyper-monopoly-prodigy. Moreso than my sister. And she's pretty insane about this game. By the end though, something about my and losing got messed up, and my competitive nature was stoked. My sister was about to go broke, so she transfered everything she had over to me, and I became SUPER PLAYER and I went smackdown on Sean. I won my first and proabaly only game of Monopoly.

So today, there's nothing good on the TV at all (I watch a lot of TV, now that there isn't anything to do during the day). I did something I vowed never ever to do again. I switched to channel 24, MTV. MY GOD. That is the worst station on the freaking planet. I saw a music video of Christina Agulara. The song was called 'Fighter' and she was walking around with giant pins in her back. WTF?! After that was Ashanti. Enough Said. And then, at #1, GOOD CHARLATE! (damn spelling). These guys I give like a pin-prick's worth of credit, because they can play their own instruments, but everybody else can burn. I'm sure there's like over a million people who can sing as good as Ashanti and Christina, but the only reason they're not making good mon-ay is because their chests fit through normal sized doorways. Thanks for nothing music industry. Burn in hell MTV.

After that I was traumatized so I ate a corn dog. Then I got to wondering, wouldn't it be neat if they put jokes on the corn-dog sticks?

In my version, 'The Ring' is the smoking barrel of a Cowboy Revolver.

Thursday, June 05, 2003

So today I was totally to lazy to type a whole entry.

Instead, [I recorded one].

[Cowboy thing is even recorded in the entry!]

7/30/2006- That link actually works, promise.

Monday, June 02, 2003

So its raining like alot today. I really love the rain, but today of all days I wanted to visit a friend. And now to do that I'd have to get really, really wet. Grrr.

First on the agenda is the ballgame. I went to a Royals game the other day, (which they LOST), but it was still pretty awesome. I hadn't been to a game in a while and I forgot about all the stuff that made it so fun. The giant mascot shooting hot dogs out of an air-powered cannon, the annoying enthusists who feel compeled to comment on the entire game, that one crazy guy who keeps yelling at the players... No wonder baseball was once dubbed American's Greatest past time.

So I'm browsing the internet, and I find something kinda cool. It's a little graphic, and very twisted, but if neither of those things bother you, the Happy Tree Friends are calling you. Demented little videos about cute cartoony forrest animals getting dismemebered in every possible fashion. Normally, this kinda stuff does not entertain me, but HTF is an exception.

Ok, this is really bad. I think I have a cavity in one of my back teeth. Every time I try to floss it, white-hot-pain goes searing through my entire body and I kind of spaz out and lay on the floor twitching. And then, when I try and chew with it, after maybe 10 minutes, its gets all numb. Then later it hurts again and the twitching begins again. I hate cavities. I'm never drinking soda again.

Holy crap what am I thinking?! I meant I'm never drinking soda again to excess.

So the other day I some how found myself looking at the personal ads on the internet. I used to just kinda sham it off as that I was 'seeing how sad and desperate these people were', but now its become kind of a hobby. At first I used to look at the guy ones to see what kinda shallow qualities they would look for in a woman, but after a while it got kinda redundant.

Looking for:

Tall

Skinny

Smart

Funny

Pretty

and then I feel really bad when I look at the average woman one, and she's only hoping for like 2 of those things at the very best. Men are such pigs. Excuse me now while I go plan a radical feminist movement.

Very soon I'm embarking on a quest for fire. I desire a new Zippo lighter, because I'm a pyro. I don't smoke, or plan on smoking. I just really like lighters. You know how some people like hunting but don't eat what they kill (you all suck by the way)? Its kind of like that, except no one dies; which is a plus in any given situation.

On a lighter note, (jesus, that was a pun, wasn't it?) I feel like a total slob. Like there's something I should be doing but I'm not. Wanna know a secret? I'm loving every minute of it. All that burden of weight from school and grades and finals... gone. That is, until my final grades come in the mail. So I might as well enjoy it while I can.

Yesterday I was in the shower, gettin all cleaned up and whatever. I dropped my soap- WAIT -down the drain. It was at this point I realized I'd been taking a shower with a 'bar', if that's what you'd even call it, of soap the size of a quarter for the past week. I felt really lazy... and then I was sad cause I had no soap.

Finally, the main draw of todays entry *drumroll please* ready.gov: explained. Ready.Gov is the US Governemnt's 'just in case' page outlining what to do in the event of a terrorist attack. I enjoyed the pictures so I made my own site. [Enjoy it at your own biohazardous risk.] NOTE: This segment is hosted at an uncomplete version of .Brak//SIGN. If you want any of the other features from that site, use the link to the geocities one at the top of this page.

Cowboys are Tall, Skinny, Funny, Smart, and totally Badass.