[Previous entry: "Long Line of Cars"] [Main Index] [Archive Index] [Next entry: "The Beds Are Burning"]

07/28/2003 Archived Entry: "Solsbury Hill"

Wow. It's been a while. A bit to long for my liking. or is it licking? no... thats what I do to pretty people... maybe its likeing... but why does that sound like some kind of African Ritual?

Ouch. Horrible thoughts...

Lets get to todays rant full of crap.

I was at church yesterday [*cries of pain*] and there was like a baptism or whatever. I was, as usual, standing there looking pissed off because I hate church even more when there's a baptism cause it takes freakin forever. So like I said, I'm all cold and mean looking, and then the lady videotaping the whole ordeal pans over my way! Well great! Now you've got happy sing-songy baby-baptisimal crapola, and then there's me. Cold, Angry, and Glaring. RIGHT AT THE CAMERA! Serves them right; that'll teach them to pull a random pan on me...

Next is an update on the computer. I replaced a corrupted sound driver, ran some norton utilities goodness [WinDoctor], then topped it all off with a lot of DeFrag action. *audible noise of pleasure* it was soooo good. Then, things got better. My uncle brought over an old hard drive. I put Linux on it. Then I got 2 of these puppies. Now Windows98 and MandrakeLinux have their own seperate places to live, and I get to have them both. I named them Cam and Cameron. Because I'm that fuckin cool.

Me and my mom also invented this new kind of therapy/game. It's called 'The Hate Game'. How do you play? Well, its best in a car. Get in a car with only people who want to play the game. Drive anywhere, it doesn't matter. As you drive, find anything and eveything and make fun of it. The key is to maintain a continuous stream of 'I Hate X' 'I Hate Y' 'I Hate ' and so on. The game ends when someone finds something they just can't bear to make fun of because they actually like it.

Allow me to demonstrate:
You know what I hate? That stupid show American Idol! What the hell is up with that? You get these people who can sing on TV. BOOM! Before you know it their faces are on lunch boxes and they've got record contracts. While this is happening there are hundreds of thousands of other people with tripple the musical tallent who have to work their asses off to even get half that much exposure! Its a scam!

Another thing that's a scam is that god damn rubiks cube! I mean it lookes kinda fun an puzzley right? WRONG! It's a vortex of all that is wrong and evil in the world. It just makes people mad and then they are mean to other people and then its like this huge chain reaction thing that just makes eveyone really PISSED OFF!

Something with similar effects is the disney channel. I'm not going to specify a show because they're all the same. I got 20$ riding on the following theory:

They get a big group of 'popular' teenage icons, ditch them on a desert island for 4 months with network executives and TV-Show-Makers. They don't let the kids off until they make a years worth of crap to put on TV. The kids are good with it because when they come back, they're all famous, and the TV people are cool with it because they got all this programming to use. That's really how it works. I HATE THE DISNEY CHANNEL.

And I also hate the heat here. What is up with that?! Are we in the desert or whatever? No. Then why is it so freaking hot... [Now I'm just to exhausted to be angry anymore, so I'm like happy again that I don't have to compute logical arguments to justify my hate. I feel relieved and very refreshed. Bask in the theraputic aura of the Hate Game.]

To kinda wrap all this up, I'll finish with an interesting anecdote. About drinking water and then dealing with the repercussions of the afforementioned topic.

I drink water while I watch TV. I also eat food, but I'm always afraid I'll forget to stop and that I'll just eat to much and turn into this blob thing by the time the episode of King Of The Hill over. So instead I just drink water. I get this gatorade bottle thing full of water out of the fridge and just drink it little by little. When its gone I'm like ok. But then I actually get thirsty again, so I go and fill up another bottle.

10 Min. later that bottle is gone. After like a movie is over I've downed a grand total of maybe 4 bottles of water. Whatever I figure, it's probably good for me, if not, then it just must not have any effect. How horribly mistaken and wrong I was.

Last night, after we got home from where ever we were before the water-drinking began, I went to the bathroom a grand total of 5 times. My god it was the most obnoxious thing in the whole world. Having to take a piss ever 15 minutes that is.

So the real moral of this story is don't drink water to excess.
Like alchohol, a little's ok, but a lot turns into a not-very-fun time.

Cowboys have bladders of steel.
Which, in hindsight, explains a lot.