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09/09/2003 Archived Entry: "I Eat Cannibals"

I'm going to eat someone. For fucking real. People drive me NUTS. And sometimes its not just people, its their complete and utter lack of common sense. For instance:

Dear AIM users,
Because of our overloading of our servers, we are being forced to extract our non-active AIM users. Because this is a free service, AOL has exceeded the budget for the AIM service. We are asking that you send this exact message to 20 other AIM users to ensure us that you're an active AIM user. Our system tracking devise will pick up this message to keep you on our active list. You have 72 hours to complete this task or your service will be cancelled immediately. Starting September 10, 2003, we will be charging a small fee for registering of a screen name for AIM. Thank you for your time and for using AOL or AIM.


Someone who I will not name honestly believed this, or at least bought it enough to send it to me and '20 other AIM users'. In order to inform the public and prevent future confusion, I'm going to outline why there is no reason that any person still breathing should believe this.

1. 'Extract non-active AIM useres' due to 'overloading of our servers' Please note that AIM/AOL does not save your conversations in an archive or in any other way. It simply transports them. Also: even if this were true, how do non-active AIM users take up server space if they're non-active?!

2. Budget my ass. AIM is a seperate program, and it makes its own revenue. Think about how much money someone pays to get that dinkly little add space on EVERY AIM client ever downloaded. Trust me, it's a shitload.

3. You can't track anything. Not chain-letters, not chain-e-mail, not chain-instant-messages. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE. Plus, the spelled 'device' wrong. Thumbs up to Paul Gottsch on that one.

4. Even IF all the above were true, there is no reason at all that AIM would contanct you via chain-IM. It's illogical for them to do that with their users, when they could just send e-mail.

So people, if I EVER get another one of these, ever. May it be known that I will hunt that person down and eat them. AS IN CONSUMPTION OF FLESH. Thank you, and goodnight.

That being said, we have some lesser issues to discuss.

First off is that of moonlight. I always knew that there was not a chance in hell that I was going to 'read by starlight' in the city. If anything, I could 'read by light pollution' if I wanted. However, the other night, I saw something amazing. At about 5 after 12, I'm laying in the dark, trying to fall asleep, and I look at my floor. There I see a lighted patch, in the image of my window frame. I tell myself there has GOT to be a giant helicopter outside of my room with a searchlight... Nope. Just the moon. I could read/write/pleasure-self by moonlight! What a fascinating discovery! Needless to say, I was floored, and I tried relflecting it off of glass and stuff... around 1 I decided I should go to bed, lest the moonlight keep me up all night.

Then today I was in homeroom filling out this sheet about my like... goals and stuff. I stared at the paper a good three minutes before I bullshited something and finished it. Upon completion though, I realized that I have no goals for myself at all. I have standards [EG: Look sexier than Ethan, outhink the majority of my classmates] but no real goals. Then I started to wonder how I got so far without these over-hyped "goals". I come to the conclusion that I live in the present, while all you goal-setting people live in the future. I enjoy the moment, you all look forward to goal-completion. But what happens upon the completion of the primary objective? You just do a little dance, give yourself a new goal, and keep going.

This is just a bit to disimal for my taste... but then again, I'm a listless loser with no future, so take that for what its worth. [Goals... *snicker*]

On a final note about horror films: In my world history class I was listening to girls banter on about 'scary movies' they'd seen. I heard things like 'darkness falls made me want to pee myself'. psh. This goes hand in hand with my theory that gross =/= scary. [=/= Does not equal] It simply doesn't. The Ring, for instance, was only semi scary, because a lot of its 'suspense' came from mangled dead people. Don't believe me? Think about this, which is scarrier:

A. Me cutting off my finger with a knife.
B. Me spitting in your lunch while you're not looking.
C. Me sneaking around your house, and making plans to follow you all your life and kidnap your children and demand ransom?


A. Gross. B. ...Weird C. Pretty freakin scary. See? So thats about all I've got to go on about for today. Until then, avoid A and C, but exercise B any chance you get.

Cowboys don't send spam.
Cowboys don't eat spam.
Cowboys DO eat spammers.

Replies: 3 Buddies Neglected Their Oral Hygiene

tom hogan.
just wow.

Posted by sarah @ 09/10/2003 11:24 PM CST

You are ascending the demographic. What next?

Posted by Josh @ 09/10/2003 10:01 PM CST

I'm never leaving my lunch alone with you again... ever.

Posted by sean @ 09/10/2003 08:21 PM CST