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11/24/2003 Archived Entry: "Terrible Person"

OK, so today's entry is kind of like a gimp entry, but whatever. I felt like saying what I wanted to say.

My history textbook cracks me up. We're reading about the Italian Renaissance and our history book lists the following as influential characters in the time period

Is it just me, or were three out of the previous five named after Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles!?! What the hell? These people were supposed to be creative or whatever... I'm dissapointed.

Next the history book is censored. There are 2 pictures in it specifically. Michelangelo's The Creation of Adam, and his sculpture David. Both of these gratiously portray male nudity. Whatever, its art, so nobody gives shit really. The book however, crops the pictures. After stressing for almost the entire chapeter about how realism is the main foccus of the Renaissance, they fail to show us the anatomicallly correct portion of the art. Now I'm just insulted...

[Mind you, its not like I get my kicks from naked art or anything, I just hate it when people are hypocritical]

Now we must devote a small portion of today's episode as a tribute to Lizz and her awesome car, Joe the Batmobile [Who I'll get a picture of as soon as I can]. She sumarized the events of saturday in an awesome way, so I'll do a little Copy+Paste action for your convenience:


"My parents think that Tom Hogan is the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Why you ask

Ok so I may have embellished a few of the factsÖÖor maybe I outright lied. But I did get home at 12:30 in the morning, so I had to tell them something.

Lie number 1
Joe Heschmeyer lives two houses down from Tom.

The truth:
Hesch lives somewhere around 20 minutes away form Tomís house

Lie number 2
It was not raining in Missouri.

The truth:
Joe the bat mobile was swimming.

Lie number 3 (and this is where tomís heroics come in)
I was terribly afraid to drive at night, so tom offered to spend 30 extra minutes in the car, giving me a detailed map of how to get to state line, then went with me to state line, then gave me his phone number, because I was still extremely worried, for fear that I would get abducted by bad men.

The truth:
Ok I admit he did go with me to state line, so I would know where it was. This involved fancy turning in creepy parking lots. And I did get his phone number, simply because I was dead sure I would get lost, and possibly end up in Canada. Itís cold in Canada.

But I didnít.
And I owe it all to Tom.
Kudos"

I can't remember who it was that was keeping track of things I rock at, [however easy of a job that might have been], but its time to tack on like #3: Giving kick-ass directions. This leads to the next awesome trip we're going to have with Joe the Batmobile [and maybe we'll let Lizz come too]: Our German Roadtrip. Bishop Miege sucks to much ass to send German I on a field trip, so we've decided at some point we're going to just have our own.

It would entail going to search for this supposedly authentic german food place in the middle of independance. I will bring maps. We will NOT get lost, and it WILL be awesome. So spoke The Tom.

And that's all I got. So what did I do, I checked the news. I fucking hate the news...


FORT CARSON, Colo., Nov. 24 -- President Bush traveled here Monday to visit a military base that has been one of the hardest hit by casualties in Iraq for a rare meeting with families and friends of the fallen.

Bush met privately with the survivors for about two hours and addressed a rally of 5,000 flag-waving people at this base in the snow-capped mountains.


The soldiers followed with a hearty 'fuck you' to thank the president for putting them unnecessicarily into an armed conflict in which many of them died. Bush replied "You're welcome! And remember, your commrades are dying, but at home your spouses are getting tax cuts of miniscule amounts!"


One of Michael Jackson's most famous friends, Elizabeth Taylor, has spoken up for him, but the pop superstar's own words could hurt him, if investigators find evidence of a sexual relationship in a cache of love letters reportedly sent to his young accuser.

AGAIN?!
Sometimes I just wish Jacko would bleach himself out of existance.


Seven and a half years ago, Rob Rozman had radical prostate surgery to treat cancer. He's still cancer free, but the surgery left an unpleasant side effect for Rob, 60, and his wife Kathie, 56: severe erectile dysfunction. Nothing helped until he tried Cialis, the new competitor to Pfizer's Viagra that was approved on Friday. The drug has already been nicknamed "the weekend pill" by patients and e-mail spammers for its long duration of action.

60 YEAR OLD PEOPLE DO NOT NEED TO BE HAVING SEX. AND IF THEY REALLY NEED TO WHY DO I HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT IT! THE MENTAL PICTURES ARE LIKE ACID ON MY BRAIN!

After that, I think I'll be avoiding the news for a long, long time. For chrissakes...

On another note: I accidentally rolled the starter on this free, expired, 12-exposure roll of film, into the canister, so I can't use it. Instead I'm going to bash it open with a hammer and decorate my locker with its entrials.

Joe the Batmobile: Choice ride of all Cowboys.

Replies: 8 Buddies Neglected Their Oral Hygiene

I leave for a week, and it HAS to be the one where tom gets off his lazy ass and does TWO posts...

*grumble*

Posted by sean @ 11/30/2003 11:27 PM CST

Interesting, Josh.

Posted by Gina (again) @ 11/27/2003 11:44 PM CST

They put an explanation for that in the comic books. Splinter named the freaky little talking turtles out of a art book he found in the sewer.

Posted by Josh @ 11/26/2003 09:23 PM CST

i love reading your entries. i was sitting here laughing at the computer and occasionally my brother and sister (also in the room) would just look up at me like, "is she ok?"

alexander thomas lives by me. i didn't realize that until recently when i was out biking. it was kinda-sorta-not-really funny.

i give really bad directions.

Posted by amy @ 11/26/2003 06:15 PM CST

there's a german resturaunt on wornall.

or, we could just grill some bratwurst and go to alexander thomas' house.

Posted by strub @ 11/26/2003 01:11 PM CST

you do give awesome directions, tom.
i just dont know my way around once i get disoriented.

Posted by r-unit @ 11/25/2003 11:50 PM CST

By the way... I WAS FIRST!

Posted by Gina @ 11/25/2003 09:47 PM CST

Maybe I'm just really Italian, but I knew before watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles that Leonardo da Vinci, Rafael, Michaelangelo, and Donatello were artists...haha. The turtles were named after *them*. The Ninja Turtle people weren't creative. And I've seen both of those works in person...they're amazing. David is seriously like 12 feet tall. The Creation one is amazing, b/c if you look at the shape of the thing God's in, it's exactly the same as the shape of the brain..only they hadn't found that out yet.

I suck at giving directions...

About that pill: my mom was listening to NPR the other day and they were talking about how all the commercials during sports TV and radio indicate that the viewers/listeners are a bunch of blind, bald, poor, unemployed, sexually-unsatisfied guys. It was SO funny, b/c that's what all the ads are! You had to be there...

*flings 2 pennies at everyone*

Posted by Gina @ 11/25/2003 09:46 PM CST