Awkward Turtle; Strangers in a Strange Land

Those Were The Days...
Those Were The Days...
Flipping through the news earlier today, I snagged a story about the botched holy endorsement that occurred in Iran on Monday. The way Iran’s constitution shakes down, being an Islamic Republic and all that, it requires that the Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei officially endorse the President-Elect before he is sworn in (scheduled for the 5th, I believe).

The funny part about this is that there was an elephant in the room, and he had a fondness for beige jackets and may or may not be named something that rhymes with- oh wait: Frickin’ nothing rhymes with “Ahmadinejad”. The source of discomfort hearkens back to the civil unrest throughout Iran at the moment. As a direct result of that rift, a hefty chunk of key politicians and clerics boycotted the blessing, granting an icy air to the event, which resulted in, among other things, a hilarious little double-step on Ahmadinejad’s part.

Last time they went though this whole song and dance, the President-elect was allowed to kiss the hand of the Ayatollah. Reportedly, there was also mad hugging. Not so much, this time around, but Ahmadinejad didn’t get the memo, and went for the kiss anyways. Erm…. ssssss- yeahhhhhhh. About that. The Supreme Leader dodged it, and the smackeroo landed on his shoulder, of all places. I don’t know guys. In spite of the fact that, you know, he maybe rigged the election, has called for the annihilation of Israel, and is generally combative and aggressive towards the West… I feel bad for him.

Rather, I guess it suffices to say: “How Embarrassing.”

Also in the news about Iran is that Americans are Basically Incompetent. What the hell? I can’t stand this at all. The Journalists in North Korea, who we’ll talk about in a second, at least had good reasons or excuses. Either they were being crafty and wanted to get some video of North Korea for their scoop, or they were on a disputed border. Either way, I can sortof understand how such a thing would happen. Not this Berkely-educated Iran crowd, however.

All three of them graduated from Berkeley with the Most Pretentious Set of Majors I’ve Seen In a Long Time:

  • Peace and Conflict Studies
  • English
  • Environmental Economics and Policy

“Hang on, guys! You left your Magnetic Fields records and your Sigg Water Bottles!” But it was too late… three Berkeley educations between them and they still got their asses lost in the middle east, AT THE BORDER BETWEEN IRAQ AND IRAN. Seriously? Nobody had… I don’t know, GPS, or even a trendily-outdated MAP?! I have zero sympathy. You went to Iraq, knowing that there’s a war on in that nation, to hike. OK, fine. The spot you happened to pick is near the border with Iran, a nation we’re constantly toeing the line between war and peace with. FINE. But knowing all that, the fact that little to no care was taken to avoid the border is just stupid.

So passionately do I feel about this, that I’d go so far as to say that I actively hope President Clinton does NOT come save their dumb asses.

Which is what it seems like Clinton did for the reporters. He showed up there today to negotiate their release, and had a meeting with Kim-Jong Il, as well as the reporter women. Next thing I know, their butts are getting on a plane with Bill Clinton and heading back to the States. Which is fantastic. I don’t want to get into this too much, but Bill Clinton is an amazing human being. Do you think that if George W. Bush got on an airplane and went there and asked for their release that anything would happen?! I think not. Neither for Bush Sr. Carter would at least go, but he might not have the luck. Regan, were he alive, could probably swing that.

Bill Clinton: still has it.
(It’s nice to have people you can depend on.)


  1. So I am pretty stoked to go back to school.
    I am really happy that you are finally doing the stuff you want to do with your blog and I hope it continues through the school year.
    I also hope you really meant those majors as a set, because you know how I feel about the english major and I don’t dig you dissing it.
    I’ll send you something soon, stuff is bat shit crazy all up in here.

  2. No, I totally meant set. That’s why it’s capitalized! Really, I think we both know the trouble I could get in, dissing English straight up, given the company that I keep. You also know it is my number one Major I Would Take If I Didn’t Already Have Two. And looking at the list above, you can see it is quite obviously the least pretentious (as pretension has a direct relation to criticizability).

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